How Technology Taught me to Let Go

by Yasemin Isler

June 2023

Technology taught me a lesson in letting go this past week. Has it ever happened to you? It took me a weekend and a day to troubleshoot all the issues that suddenly emerged on my desktop computer. While I initially tried to inch my way through trying to keep the system remaining functional and curiously investigating the conditions and the root causes, soon enough the system just came to a grinding halt and would not allow me to proceed any further with the way I was used to doing things and the way I wanted to keep on going. I had to pause my project which I had planned on completing over the weekend, and instead take stock and attend to the new boulder that showed up on the road. “Let the boulder be the path” I remembered.

There was a serious issue with the data storage and no matter what I would do, the system kept reporting there was no space left. I ran diagnostics. I started deleting files, I mean a lot of files, then ran diagnostics again. I took my time (the reason it took 3 days) to go through each directory and file to determine whether it was necessary, if I needed to back it up to an external drive, or just delete it right there and then. This meticulous process of whole-house cleaning, sweeping with awareness, letting go what served its purpose and was no longer necessary, keeping what was useful, creating a strategy to return to a backup location for when I need something, was the first step it seems. In the end, there was nothing much left on the system except skeleton services.

After everything was deleted, I felt lighter. It reminded me of when Ram Das burned all his photos in a camp fire to truly let go of any attachments to the past, to the concept of “self”. That was still too drastic for me. So, I took my precautions (above) and then released all the spaces on the computer drive. Finally, having done what I could, I had it rebuilt back to the factory specifications.

I am starting fresh, lighter, recalling the most painful parts of the process to be the tedious and long hours of trying to fix things to my personal expectations and specifications, followed by acceptance of the need to release and let it be, to let go, followed by enormous and at times tiresome patience to make sure that I would prevent avoidable errors, and ending in a state of new beginnings.

How often do we wish things to stay the same, as we get used to them, even while releasing control and expectations could be the only way to proceed and with more lightness and ease? It is not always possible. Computers and relationships with people are different enough. Important thing to remember is that we can influence the things we can. We can start in small steps. The invitation is to try, and to learn from the moments that teach us, in ways that somehow click and make us see things anew.

As my technological tools continue to provide what I need in this moment (and I’m grateful for that), I am also making plans to dedicate time during the upcoming long weekend for a technical detox, spend time with loved ones and myself, spend time in nature and the simple state of being without the short burst of distractions unending from social media or emails, thus intentionally recharge my batteries.

I invite you to consider reducing your time on your devices over the course of this weekend. How would that be for you? Slow down to speed up. Return to non-cognitive functions and experiences to recharge your cognitive batteries. Return to simply being in the moment with what is nourishing. Drop me a line about how it goes.

With love and kindness,

Yasemin

Start Your Day Right Mindfully, Yasemin Isler

Yasemin Isler

April 6, 2023

How do you typically start your day? You may have some personal answers here, but if I guess correctly, at some point you are reaching out to your cell phone or the TV remote. Maybe even before you completely open your eyes, the gadgets have found their way into your hand.

Right? ….

Now what?

So, while the sun is rising, with a fresh promise, maybe an easy or a hard day is awaiting you….

you have already triggered your brain to switch into a higher gear, before using the golden opportunity. 

What’s the golden opportunity?

GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY

Before all the cognitive processes kick in, take time to be fully present in the here and now. Be present to the body that made it possible for you to be here. Notice the sensations of the breath, going in and out. 

If you are in a hurry to use your brain, pause and take note that this non-cognitive practice will help your cognitive processes later on during the day. 

You will have more clarity. Over time, if you decide to spend even more time to rise and shine and meditate, you will keep seeing the benefits over time. 

#dailymindfulness #beingmindful #intentions #startyourdayright #consciousliving #beingmindful

#mindfulolmak #niyetler #gününüzedoğrubaşlayın #günebaşlarken #günlükfarkındalık #günlükmindfulness #günlükmindfulnesspratikleri #bilinçliyaşsm

Boundaries That Don’t Burn Bridges

A short, practical guide for real life

Have you ever said "yes" to something when you really wanted to say "no," only to feel resentful or overwhelmed later? Or maybe you've hesitated to set a boundary, worried about how it would affect your relationships or your reputation.

We live in a world that often conflates kindness with overextension. We’re taught to be accommodating, to say yes to every request, and to always be there for others. But this approach can leave us feeling depleted and disconnected from our own needs. What if there was another way — a way to protect your time and energy without damaging the relationships you care about?

Setting boundaries doesn’t have to mean cutting people off or being rigid. It’s about creating healthy, respectful limits that allow you to be your best self — for both you and the people you serve.

The Misunderstanding of Boundaries

Many people associate boundaries with harshness or rejection. There's a common misconception that saying no or setting limits is somehow unkind. We fear that by putting ourselves first, we’ll hurt others, disappoint them, or be seen as difficult. But in reality, boundaries are a form of self-respect — not just for us, but for others too.

When we set clear, compassionate boundaries, we make it possible for people to understand our limits and communicate their needs effectively. Rather than being a barrier to connection, boundaries become the foundation for deeper, more authentic relationships.

Boundaries are not about pushing people away. They're about creating the space for both parties to thrive.

The Power of Saying "No"

One of the most powerful tools in setting boundaries is learning to say "no" — not as an act of rejection, but as an act of self-preservation. Saying "no" doesn’t mean you don’t care; it means you care enough about yourself to protect your time, your energy, and your values.

Here’s the truth: every time you say "yes" to something that doesn’t align with your priorities, you're saying "no" to something that matters more. Whether it’s time with family, the energy to focus on your work, or the space to take care of your mental health, each "yes" should be intentional.

Learning to say "no" with kindness doesn’t mean you’ll please everyone. But it does mean you’re being honest — with yourself and with others — about what you’re capable of offering.

Setting Boundaries with Compassion

The art of setting boundaries lies in the balance between firmness and compassion. Boundaries aren’t about shutting others out; they’re about communicating your needs clearly while still respecting the needs of those around you.

When setting a boundary, here’s how you can maintain that balance:

1. Be Direct, But Kind
   Clear communication is key. You don’t need to justify or explain yourself endlessly, but a simple, “I’m unable to take on any more right now” is both clear and respectful.

2. Offer Alternatives
   If you’re turning down a request, try offering a solution that works for you. For example, “I can’t attend this meeting, but I can send over my thoughts afterward,” or “I can’t take on this project, but I recommend [someone else] who might be a good fit.”

3. Use “I” Statements
   When setting a boundary, speak from your perspective. “I need time to recharge” or “I’m focusing on a project right now” puts the responsibility on your own needs, rather than on the other person.

4. Practice Empathy
   While it’s important to protect your time and energy, it’s equally important to acknowledge the other person’s needs. A simple “I understand this is important to you” shows that you respect their request, even if you can’t fulfill it.

Boundaries and Self-Care

At the heart of boundary-setting is self-care. Boundaries are a form of self-love — an expression of the respect you have for your own limits, emotions, and well-being. When we fail to set boundaries, we risk burnout, stress, and emotional depletion. Over time, this can affect our relationships, our work, and our overall quality of life.

By prioritizing self-care through boundaries, we allow ourselves to show up more fully and authentically in our relationships and our work. We stop pretending to be able to do it all and instead become more intentional about where we place our time and energy.

The Long-Term Benefits of Boundaries

It may feel uncomfortable at first to set and enforce boundaries. You might worry about disappointing others, or you might feel guilty for saying no. But in the long run, boundaries allow us to build stronger, more sustainable relationships and careers. They help us avoid burnout and maintain a sense of balance, even in our busiest seasons.

Setting boundaries also models healthy behavior for others. When you respect your own limits, you give others permission to do the same. In doing so, you create a culture of respect and understanding in your relationships, both professional and personal.

Practical Steps for Setting Boundaries

If you’re not sure where to start, here are a few simple steps to begin:

1. Know Your Priorities
   Before you can set boundaries, you need to know what matters most to you. What do you need to protect in your life? Is it time with loved ones? Your personal well-being? Focused time for deep work? Once you’re clear on your priorities, setting boundaries becomes easier.

2. Learn to Recognize Overcommitment
   If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s a sign that you’ve likely overcommitted. Pay attention to physical and emotional cues — stress, fatigue, irritability — as these are indicators that your boundaries need attention.

3. Start Small
   Start by setting small, manageable boundaries. You don’t have to make dramatic changes all at once. For example, set a boundary around email response time or how much work you take on outside of office hours.

4. Practice Saying "No"
   The more you practice saying no, the easier it becomes. Start with less challenging situations — perhaps saying no to a request from a colleague or friend. As you become more comfortable, you can apply it to more challenging situations.

Respecting Your Own Limits

Setting boundaries doesn’t make you a bad person or a poor leader. On the contrary, it makes you someone who values their time, energy, and relationships. By protecting what matters most to you, you ensure that you can give your best to those around you.

Remember: boundaries are not about walls. They are about creating healthy, sustainable ways of interacting with the world that allow you to maintain your integrity and well-being. With clear boundaries, you can nurture your relationships, pursue your goals, and thrive.

A Soft Landing

Take a moment to think about your own boundaries. Where might you need to say "no" more often? How can you start protecting your time and energy with more intention and compassion?

Setting boundaries may feel challenging at first, but with practice, they’ll become an integral part of your mindful approach to life and work. And with each boundary you set, you create the space for more meaningful connections and more intentional living.